Ned: Eric Wedge looks like a homeless person.
Mike: It’s a rally beard.
Ned: How come baseball is the only sport where everyone spits constantly.
Mike: That’s not true. I’ve seen a lot of spitting going on during synchronized swimming, too.
Ned: How come the Sox have grounded into so many double plays?
Mike: Because it’s easier than homering into double plays.
Ned: Why do some players have their trousers pulled up so you can see their socks and other players have their trousers pulled down so you can't see their socks?
Mike: The ones who wear their socks up have mom issues.
Ned: How do you stop a guy from stealing?
Mike: Peer pressure. Legislation. And if those don’t work, waterboarding.
Ned: Are the Indians waiting for Westbrook's steroids to kick in.
Mike: I know I am…
Ned: I suppose you're going to tell me that Lofton was safe?
Mike: He was safe.
Mike: Will be back in a little bit.
Ned: Wash your hands.