nedsjotw.com

Ned Lundquist’s “Job of the Week” free email networking newsletter for professional communicators started way back at the dawn of the 21st century and attracted a cult following of more than 11,000 newsletter subscribers today. The 10K milestone was reached October 6, 2006. Not satisfied with mere electronic mail as a communications tool, Ned decided to take JOTW online.

The job leads are just one reason his faithful followers begin their Mondays (and sometimes Tuesdays through Fridays) with a cuppa and JOTW. For the uninitiated, here are Frequently Asked Questions about JOTW and its creator. (Warning: These FAQs violate every rule about online reading length, but it’s a rule we’re willing to break. You’ll see why.)

Who is Ned Lundquist?

Ned Lundquist, ABC, is a communication professional who has been publishing the “Job of the Week” e-mail newsletter since January 2001. He served on active duty with the U.S. Navy as a Surface Warfare Officer and as a Public Affairs Officer. His last tour of duty was as commanding officer of the 450 men and women of the Naval Media Center in Washington, DC, where he published the Navy’s flagship magazine, produced the award-winning weekly TV show, and was responsible for Navy internal relations, video production, broadcasting and visual information. He retired as a Captain in 2000. He then joined ShipServ, Inc., an e-commerce provider serving the maritime purchasing industry as vice president of corporate communications, and then became vice president of communication for the National Rural Electric Cooperative Association. He joined Anteon Corporation in 2002 as a senior technical director and director of corporate communications for Anteon’s Center for Security Strategies and Operations. As an Anteon employee, and later as an employee of Alion Science and Technology, he was the public affairs specialist providings strategic communications counsel to his client, the U.S. Navy’s Surface Warfare Directorate.  Today, he works for MCR Federal LLC as a senior science writer.   Heck, he’s the only science writer.  He supports clients such as the Office of Naval Research, NATO’s Centre for Maritime Research and Experimentation, and commercial companies serving the naval, maritime and defense sectors.

 

Ned is a native of Auburndale, Massachusetts. He is a graduate of Marquette University in Milwaukee, and The American University in Washington, DC. Ned’s wife, Laura, is from Lihue, Hawaii. They have two children, Tom and Barbara, three cats and a dog.  Of the pets, three of the four like Ned.

 

 

 

Why did he start the Job of the Week?

 

Ned was out of work, and he realized he needed to be better networked.  In fact, Ned’s approach was to become the center of a network.  He offered to share job opportunities he learned about with his 38 charter subscribers, and in return he asked them to let him know about any jobs they came across.  This resulted in a few immediate leads that eventually became job offers.  It also resulted in a list of subscribers that slowly grew through “word of mouse.”  By the time Ned became employed he had 148 subscribers.  And when he was laid off after 9/11 he had more than 700 readers.

 

Ned sounds iffy, but JOTW sounds great! Tell me how to subscribe right now!

 

He’s so much more than iffy. 

Sign up for the free JOTW newsletter.  It’s free, and comes out every Monday.  Did we mention it was free?  Send an email to lundquist989@cs.com and ask to join the network.

 

How do I submit a job to JOTW?

 

Simple.  Send your position or opportunity to lundquist989@cs.com.  Be sure to include “Job Title, Company/Organization, Location,” and a link to the position description or information on who to contact or how to apply.

 

What’s a “One Paragraph Pitch”?

 

We were always wondering what kind of people actually go to FAQ pages. Now we know. A “One Paragraph Pitch” is a pitch that’s one paragraph long.

 

Don’t send Ned your resume.  But he does offer you the opportunity to promote yourself by writing and submitting your own One Paragraph Pitch.  He‘ll place your OPP in the queue, and publish it when it reaches the front of the line.  He only posts one OPP at a time, and always at the top of the newsletter.

 

How do I submit my One Paragraph Pitch to JOTW?                      

 

E-mail your pitch – which is your opportunity to market yourself to the JOTW community – to lundquist989@cs.com.

 

What does Ned Lundquist want?

 

A really GOOD tomato … not those cardboard things you find in grocery stores or at “Farmer’s Markets,” but those fleshy, juicy ones he used to steal from Old Man Kingsbury’s farm back in his childhood days. Failing that, he’d like a 50″ diag. HDTV monitor.

 

  Ned doing what Ned does best: schmoozing at the IABC Conference.

 

What if the hokey pokey is really what it’s all about?

 

That is indeed what it’s all about. But don’t be an indecisive mutton head. If you put your right foot in, leave it there.  And shake it all about.

 

(Note:  Should mutton head be hyphenated?)

 

 

I believe it would be hyphenated only if used as an adjective, thus:  “Ned is a mutton-headed fool.”  However, as a noun, it is not hyphenated, as so:  “Ned is a mutton head.” -Dr. Grammar has spoken.

 

(I see.  The role of the modifier.  What is your head made out of, Doctor?)

 

That’s a state secret.  If I tell you, I have to kill you.  Or possibly do the Hokey Pokey.  That’s what it’s all about.

 

Does anyone ever get a job from a One Paragraph Pitch?

 

Yes.  It has actually happened.  Will it happen to you?  Probably not.  But it might.  And if nothing else, in your state of unemployed helpless desperation you will at least be doing something.

How long do I have to wait for my OPP to be published?

 

Anywhere from a month to two months.  Maybe more.  Maybe less.  Why, are you going somewhere?

 

Why does Ned do this?

 

Karma.  What goes around comes around.  Ned is selfishly altruistic.  You try it.  You’ll see.

 

At an IABC event in Toronto, Ned tries to pretend he is an international sex symbol. That’s ridiculous, of course, because not only is Ned happily married to Laura, but everyone knows a communicator can’t be a sex symbol.

 

Can I post a personal ad in JOTW?  I’m looking to meet someone, well, special.

 

Sure.  We call it “Kommunicators in Search of Someone Special,” or KISSS.   Send your KISSS submission to lundquist989@cs.com.

 

How come Ned does not have jobs in my area?

 

JOTW is a cooperative network.  You are expected to share opportunities you discover in your area.  If you haven’t seen listings from your area recently, ask yourself how many you have submitted.

 

If I’m looking for a new job, and I know about really good opportunities, but why should I share them? Won’t that lessen my chances of getting those jobs because I’ll open them up to lots more people?

 

Absolutely.  Don’t horde a listing in the hopes that no one else will apply and you’ll get the gig.  If it’s meant for you, you’ll be hired because of who you are and what you’ve done, because you are the right person for the job, despite the other resumes or applications received.  It gets into the karma thing.  Share what you have and you will reap your just reward.

 

What’s this optional, suggested recommended policy if I submit a job on behalf of my company?

 

The optional, suggested recommended policy states that if you submit a listing on behalf of your employer, it is suggested that you consider perhaps sending a company hat, mug or shirt, maybe, perhaps.  Size XL.

 

What does he do with all those coffee mugs, ball caps and T-shirts?

 

He wears the hats, and hangs them on nails over his computer in the basement.  He has a couple of boxes for the mugs because there isn’t enough room in the cupboards for all of them.

 

What is Ned’s sign?

 

Why?  Pisces.  Who wants to know? 

 

What is Ned’s Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, and what can we infer from that?

 

ENTP.

 

How much money does Ned get paid for JOTW?

 

He gets paid in t-shirts, travel mugs, post-it stickers, ball caps and mouse pads.

 

Which is better, duct tape or super glue?

 

Duct tape has more uses, and provides more ways to hold stuff together.  If it fails to hold your stuff together, use more duct tape.  You can stop a leak on a submerged submarine with enough duct tape.  Always keep some handy.  Always.

 

If I disagree with Ned, is that all right?

 

There will probably be no need to disagree with him.  Why would you ask such a question?

 

I have, ahem, a personal problem, you see?  So, ummm, who can I talk to about it?

 

If you are pummeled with personal – I repeat, PERSONAL – problems that place you on the pavement to perdition – not your work life, we’re talking about your REAL life, and if you don’t have one, get one – then share your phrenetic peregrinations with the propitious and percipient Pontoof, who will “halve your joys and double your sorrows.”If you need advice of a very private nature, I point-blank propose you place your plaintive, poignant predicaments before the podium of pontification, for Pontoof to ponder and provide persuasive pious, philanthropic prescriptions and opinions aplenty, sure to please you.  Protect yourself and use a pseudonym; we’d prefer not to pronounce your personal & professional predicament to the public. Send your posers, perplexing personal plights and puzzlements to Ned at lundquist989@cs.com.

 

Is it okay if I start my own JOTW newsletter, and copy lots of stuff from Ned’s word-for-word?

 

Yeah, that’s rich.Try it, and I’ll send you a very intimidating legalese letter. Then I’ll have Rich Barger, ABC, APR, send you a million e-mails.  Which is worse?  Don’t find out.  Hint: You do not want to piss off Rich.

 

Will Ned read my resume and get me a job?

 

JOTW is a great tool to help you find job opportunities and receive valuable job market intelligence.  More than that, it’s a virtual community of communicators, both employed and unemployed, that can help you through difficult times and take life in stride with a smile.  Is that not enough?  So Ned spends his time on making JOTW interesting for the readers and doesn’t look at resumes or help individuals find jobs.

 

Is there a JOTW resume reviewing service? How does it work?

 

Glad you asked.  There is indeed.  A corps of dedicated volunteers will review and critique your resume.  There’s a brief wait, so be patient.  Send resumes to Robin Mayhall (robin@hieran.com).

 

Is it true you printed “I’ve driven the Hawaii–California Tunnel” bumper stickers, and had custom-made “Honolulu Coconut Kings” hockey jerseys made in Canada?

 

Why, um, yes.  Correct.

 

How do I subscribe to JOTW?

 

JOTW is sent out every week using GoogleGroups.  To joint the group, send an email to Ned at lundquist989@cs.com (not a blank email…a real one…one that says “May I be places on the JOTW listserv?).”  Yes, it’s free.

 

 

Why aren’t there any pirates in the Atlantic Ocean? It would make ocean crossings so much more exciting!

 

There are pirates in the Atlantic ocean.Just ask Sir Peter Blake. Or I guess you can’t, because he’s dead. Sir Peter was considered one of world’s best yachtsmen (he led Team New Zealand to 1995 and 2000 America‘s Cup victories). In 2002, his yacht Seamaster was awaiting customs clearance off Macapa, Brazil, when it was boarded by pirates.He was shot twice in the back. The pirates made off with a spare outboard engine and a number of watches.

 

Which aircraft carrier did Ned serve on?

 

 

 

Ned, like most Navy personnel, did serve on an aircraft carrier. Ned was a Midshipman aboard the USS Hancock (CV 19), operating in the South China Sea.  He served as supply officer, operations officer and executive officer aboard the USS Tawakoni (ATF 114), homeported in Pearl Harbor, Hawaii.He also served as anti-submarine warfare officer aboard the USS Cochrane (DDG 21).And BTW, Ned founded the National Association of Fleet Tug Sailors, a group of 1,400 active and former Navy personnel who served on towing and salvage ships.

 

 

 

If I get a job through JOTW, do I have to pay a commission?

 

 

 

Yes. You must designate 50 percent of your first-year salary as commission to JOTW, payable to Ned Lundquist, ABC. Don’t forget the ABC. And don’t tell the IRS.

 

 

 

I know that JOTW is free, but how much does it cost to subscribe?

 

 

 

Just for you, a special offer–$10 per year, but if you sign up now, we’ll waive the fee.

 

 

 

In “2001: A Space Odyssey,” what does HAL stand for?

 

 

 

Everyone knows that HAL was not a registered voter, so what he stands for is meaningless.

 

 

 

Why should I even bother responding to an opening in JOTW when 10,000 other people are going to also?

 

 

 

Relax. For any given job, only 5,000 JOTW subscribers are competing with you.

 

 

 

Have you ever not listed a job in JOTW because you wanted it yourself and didn’t want anyone else to see it?

 

 

 

All the time. That’s why I’m currently vice president of marketing and communication at seven different companies. I telecommute.

 

 

 

Why is the sky blue?

 

 

 

The sky is blue because you have blue eyes. Brown-eyed people see a brown sky; green-eyed people see a green sky. But brown-eyed and green-eyed people are more introspective than blue-eyed a person, which is why you never hear a brown-eyed person ask, “Why is the sky brown?” Blue-eyed people, on the other hand, are extroverts, not to mention dumb as dirt, which is why they always ask questions.

 

What are alien birthpods and where can I get one?  Is it true that Ned was the exclusive U.S. distributor?

 

Yes.  Ned saw a young girl playing with an Alien Birthpod on a train in the United Kingdom.  When the person in the next seat got up, Ned jumped in next to the girl and asked her what it was she was playing with.  Her mother immediately attempted to protect her child, but it was too late.  Ned went straight to Hampley’s Toys and bought several pods, some which featured little aliens packed in goop, and others that had hollow heads that the little ones could fit into.  As the heads contract, the little aliens are “born.”  When I got home, my kids not only loved them, but said they had never seen them before.  I called the company, and they told me they really had no sales interest from the major toy retailers in the US.  So I asked if I could be their exclusive representative, and they said yes.  I thought I could take orders, notify the company and have them ship, collecting a percentage of the sale.  But they wanted me to take delivery, and the retailers wanted me to ship to them.  I decided I couldn’t risk accepting containers of birthpods.

Previous versions of this droll commentary have appeared on http://www.hollandcomm.com/index.php?option=displaypage&Itemid=68&op=page&SubMenu=%22.