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Here is yourJOTW Communicators Horoscope for August 2007. Ned Lundquist and Mike Sorohan are not responsible if all this bad stuff comes true.

Blow Dry the Broadcaster (March 21 – April 19)

Bad news—BOPEC (the Botox Producing Export Countries) has slowed production, and prices are going up.

Gratis the Community Relations Manager (April 20 – May 20)

Yes, that is a large group of protesters heading toward your building, trailed by a Fox News camera crew.

Backspace the Proofreader (May 21 – June 20)

You’ve used the AP Stylebook for years. Your new hire prefers the Chicago Manual of Style. She didn’t mention this during the interview.

Barnum the Publicist (June 21 – July 22)

Good news: Nancy Grace wants to book your client. Bad news: Nancy Grace wants to book your client.

Journalisticus the Editor (July 23 – Aug. 22)

You lament that “deadline” seems to have lost all meaning to your reporters.

Reporticus the Investor Relations Specialist (Aug 23 – Sept 22)

WHAT? The second quarter is over ALREADY?

Advertarius the Account Executive (Sept 23 – Oct 23)

Your vice president announces that, in an effort to boost morale, he’s reducing the workweek to 80 hours.

Porous the Civil Servant Office manager (Oct. 24 – Nov. 21)

Your title as Office Sudoku Champion is being challenged by Doug the Technical Writer, who claims to be an “idiot savant” when it comes to numbers. This is threatening to cut into your lunch hour.

Strategarius the Consultant (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)

While crafting a mechanism to deliver mission-critical solutions, you spill coffee on your keyboard, which impacts your optimal functionality.

Corpricon the Corporate Communicator (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)

Once again, you’re empowered by senior management to organize the company picnic.

Inferiorus the Marketing Communications Intern (Jan 20. – Feb 18)

You rationalize that being asked to hand out evaluation forms at a seminar gives you “meeting planning” experience for your resume.

Pencilius the Graphic Designer (Feb. 19 – March 20)

You keep telling yourself that the fact that nobody understands your work means you’re a genius.

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