MIKE: Ned, I am guaranteeing an Indians victory tonight, Saturday, October 13.
NED: Mike, you can’t guarantee something like that. You are not a god.
MIKE: That’s going to be disappointing news to my mom.
Ned: Mike, have you bought your 2007 New York Yankees World Series Champion ballcap yet.
Mike: Ned, the yankees are out of it. they can't win the series.
Ned: I knew that. I just like hearing it.
Mike: I like hearing it, too. Although hearing “former Yankees manager Joe Torre” leaves me a little sad.
Ned: Does Cleveland have anyone with a name as cool as Cocoa Crisp?
Mike: That traitor used to play for Cleveland.
Ned: Ever been to the Jake?
Mike: I haven’t but my brother was a season ticket holder for a few years.
Ned: What was the name of the stadium that preceded it? I forget.
Mike: Municipal Stadium. I walked over to Fenway again. I saw a sign that said ACLS meant “America Loves Curt Schilling,” but it should have said “At Last Cleveland Shines.”
Ned: Shines what?
Mike: Shines like a city on the shores of Lake Erie, the “best location in the nation.”
Ned: Lamprey Eel capital of the world. They serve hot clam chowder at Fenway. What do they have that's distinctly “Cleveland” at the Jake?
Mike: Tuna noodle casserole with potato chips sprinkled on the top. It's a staple food in all the Big 10 states and the reason why the metabolism of all women in Ohio changes when they turn 19 or have their first baby, whichever comes first.
Ned: What happens if a batter intentionally allows himself to be hit?
Mike: If it's obvious, the umpire won't allow it. They're allowed to lean in but they can't step in front of the plate or lean their bodies too far over the batter's box.
Ned: You should have won last night. Hell, we put Gagne in there for you.
Mike: Gagne is an excellent choice when you have a seven-run lead. Seriously, I'm getting all the punch lines.