Ned's Not Available, So I'm Taking Some Cheap Shots


Well, it's Monday night; Ned is somewhere on the West Coast hobnobbing with Hollywood Elitists who care not a hoot about baseball unless it's a silly movie about Angels in the Outfield. So it gives us loyal Indians fans a chance to take some awfully good cheap shots at the Red Sucks without interference from people who grew up unable to pronounce “r.”

As I write this, Cleveland is up 2-0 in the 5th inning. And to the best of my knowledge, the crack Cleveland grounds crew has not yet had to resort to releasing the midges. But they're ready to, especially if Ortiz and Ramirez start acting cocky.

John Adams is playing the drums. I remember him from the 1970s when I used to go to Indians games at Cavernous Cleveland Stadium (never did figure out who Cavernous Cleveland was). Sometimes in the 70s, John and my buddy Jeff Spevak and I were the only people in the stadium besides the players.

Oh, wait–Ned just showed up.

NED: I'm here.

MIKE: You're drunk.

NED: Am not. I don't get drunk on merlot.

MIKE: MERLOT? If anyone orders merlot, I'm leaving.

NED: So what's the score of the game?

MIKE: Indians 2 Sox 0 bottom of the 5th.

NED: Liar.

MIKE: I don't lie. That would be a violation of the IABC Code of Ethics.

(NED AND MIKE LAUGH TOGETHER)

NED: That always cracks me up. You break the IABC Code of Ethics six times a day by noon.

MIKE: Oops.

NED: Oops?

MIKE: It's now 3-0.

NED: $#%@&. More merlot, please.

MIKE: Oops.

NED: Now what?

MIKE: 4-0.

NED: Make it a double merlot…

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