After the Aftermath

Ned: Mike, it's over. When do pitchers and catchers report to Spring training? There's always next year for Boston. We Boston fans are used to that.

Mike: You won.

Ned: Oh. You're right.

MIKE: Ned, let’s not worry about spring training right now. Let’s give the Red Sox a chance to gloat with relief and a chance for Francona to defend, over and over, how his team let the Rockies back into the game after going up 3-0, quite possibly spurring a comeback of epic proportions that would have brought “The Curse” back with the fury of the 1918 Spanish Flu. As far as I’m concerned, Francona has a lot of explaining to do, and it will forever be a dark mark on his managerial abilities.

Ned: We really never talked about Colorado. As an Indians fan, rooting for a towel team, do you think those towel thingies were an effective source of inspiration? And do you think the altitude had an impact on those towels? If they are so good, why didn't Red Sox Nation wave something?

MIKE: Ned, I’m not sure I can explain the towels, other than that the Rockies fans were waving them in the air to dry them out because they were so damp with tears. I remember when I was 15 and my mom’s bowling team finished in last place in her league and at the end-of-the-season banquet she and her teammates got crying towels. I think the top team in the league got $200.

Ned: Did your Mom's bowling team sweat and cry a lot?

Mike: What?

Ned: Back to Colorado, do you think Indians fans wanted Colorado to win?

MIKE: I’m not sure I ever understood that. I kind of wanted the Sox to win, because it would make me feel better about Cleveland losing to them. So now I feel like Cleveland finished in third place in the entire league. And as we all know, everyone always remembers who finishes third.

Ned: If Cleveland had won, what kind of parade would they have had?

MIKE: It would have been great. Frankie Yankovic’s band playing polka; the smell of beer and bratwurst in the air; Franz the Toymaker handing out trinkets to the kids; Herb Score dressed as a pirate; Big Chuck and Little John performing mime; and Dick Goddard dressed as a giant wooly bear caterpillar.

Ned: Speaking of Colorado pitching, what new steriod treatment will Cleveland pitchers use to avoid detection?

MIKE: You just can’t let go of the hate, can you? The Red Sox BEAT the Indians. Let it go, Ned…

Ned: Mike, I read in the Washington Post Today that there is an entire

generation of two-year olds in Red Sox nation who have never experienced

a World Series Championship, until now.

MIKE: Ned, now that the Red Sox have twice-vanquished The Curse, have

they become Just Another Team That Has Won the World Series?

MIKE: Ned, how important was it for the Red Sox to finish this series before the end of the month, thus ensuring that the World Series would remain “The October Classic?” And if it had gone into next month, who on the Red Sox would become known as “Mr. November?”

Ned: Let's talk about Colorado, and the game. Why did Scott Boros release A-Rod's decision to look elsewhere for employment during the 4th game of the World Series?

MIKE: A-Rod had an MVP season and got no love-ever-from the New York fans. I wish him well. But to answer your question, Boros is an attention whore.

Ned: We keep getting away from Colorado. Who will be the AL Rookie of the Year?

MIKE: Personally, I’d like to see Jim Thome get it.

NED: But Thome isn’t a rookie.

MIKE: I don’t care. I think he deserves an award, and why not Rookie of the year?

Ned: With Ellsbury and Pedroia batting one and two for Boston, I believe it was the first such combination in Series history.

MIKE: Actually, Abner Ellsbury and Lucious Pedroia batted one-two for the Cincinnati Red Legs in 1889. Look it up.

Ned: Speaking of Colorado and their 15 year tradition of Major League Baseball, I look at Mike Lowell wearing number 7 and I cannot help but think of Reggie Smith, who wore that number during the 1967 World Series, or Rick Burleson in the 1975 series, or even back to the day when Dick Stuart wore 7.

MIKE: Mike Lowell must be at least as old as Rick Burleson. When I went to Fenway earlier this month I was impressed by the retired numbers hanging from the rafters. 1, 4, 8, 9, etc. Although I’m not sure what the guy who wore 9 did to deserve that. Or the 8, for that matter.

Ned: I dunno. Those guys were out in left field somehwere.

Mike: With Lowell's advancing years, he should be able to back Theo Epstein into the corner for a multi-yerar contract.

Ned: Kali, Scout and Sage did a good job folling the postseason, don't you think?

NED: Yes, considering that Sage is really a football fan. And she likes soccer, too. She’s a big fan of Liverpool.

Ned: It's been good for New England sports fans. How about them Redskins?

MIKE: Ned, it is my concerted opinion that sports fans from the New England area are going to be insufferable for the next six to nine months, what with the Red Sox, the Patriots (who, if they beat Indianapolis next weekend, will get my preliminary vote for Greatest NFL Team Ever) and even the Celtics showing signs of life. Just remember: your poop stinks just like the rest of ours does.

Ned: Back to Colorado: It's been said it was a pretty good day for New England fans, what with the Patriots winning big over the Redskins, and BC coming from behind to beat Virginia Tech on Thursday. But is that a fair assumption, seeing that the Bruins lost to the Flyers last night,

and the guy who won the Marine Corps Marathon was from Kenya?

Mike: Ethiopia.

Ned: Whatever.

MIKE: I'm from Ohio, where we measure success by one victory, not dynasties. So go cry me a river about the Bruins.

Ned: I keep getting back to Colorado. Do you think Bill Bellichik was unsportsmanlike in pouring it on the hapless Deadskins?

MIKE: You know, I almost sympathize with Bellichik. As a successful youth soccer coach myself, I have on occasion found myself talking to the girls when we have a comfortable lead of 3-0 and telling them, “we don't have to win by 7-0.” At the same time, I can't tell them to NOT do what we practiced during the week. Having said that, I think what Bellichik did was inappropriate. Yes, Bill, you SHOULD have taken the field goal instead of a touchdown.

BILL BELLICHIK: Mike, I don't recall asking for your opinion.

MIKE: Point taken. In any event, I think Bellichik has a chip on his shoulder over the video incident and I think he and Brady are trying to strike fear in the hearts of everyone. Which, according to “The Art of War,” is a perfectly acceptable tactic.

Ned: Mike? Is Bill Bellichik reading our emails?

BILL BELLICHIK: Yes, Ned, I am. I'm also videotaping you as we speak.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.